Chapter 9.2

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So Glad to See You Looking Ahead!

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David Rainoshek, M.A.

www.RevolutionaryWebinars.com

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Cultivating Transformative Relationships
(Professional and Personal)

As a HyperLearner – as someone who has consciously engaged in meaningful developmental Life Practices for many of his years – I can tell you that the further you go on the path of cultivating deeper meaning and creative purpose in your life, the more you will want to surround yourself with people who are doing the same.

We are attracted to LIFE and BEING ALIVE: this means growth, creativity, joy, knowledge, curiousity, ingenuity, insight, ability… and while we can self-generate these in our life on our own, where the game gets really interesting is when we can generate the best of BEING ALIVE with others, whether through general conversation and sharing, work contacts, intimate relationship, online contacts, or friendships.

Your Relationships: Translative, Transformative, Both?

What relationships in your life keep you where you are at, and which are those that help you move into higher, wider, newer, deeper levels of living? What are the relationships that comfort? That reframe your experiences? That inspire you to new experiences and Ways of Being?

Integral philosopher Ken Wilber has differentiated between two fundamental Ways of Being: Translative and Transformative. Drawn out they look like this:

Translative relationships or Ways of Being are horizontal – they help you where you already are. Transformative relationships or Ways of Being are vertical – they call you to higher levels of being and knowing beyond where you currently are. I recently read a blogger sum it up aptly:

One major way to cope with adversity is Translative practice: giving a new and different meaning to what’s happening to you. This practice has value to the extent that it helps see things in a sweeter light. When someone is ill, or there is loss of life or love or major devastation, part of the human suffering is not making sense of it all. Re-framing the story around the pain and suffering makes it easier to swallow.

But it doesn’t really change your worldviews. Genuine change stems from transformative practices. Transformation means transcendence, or evolving beyond who you are now, to the next level. You know you have been evolving when you have expanded in your capacity to care for more beings than before, or when any of your lines of intelligence (cognitive, emotional, social, moral, spiritual, aesthetic, psycho-sexual, kinesthetic, artistic etc) is at a higher level than before. You also evolve with the skills you acquire.

Translative therapies or practices do not require that you change. You can stay the same as you are, but change the story you are telling yourself about events. Genuine transformation requires taking some kind of action, like, for instance, the practice of taking more and more perspectives.

The good news is that transcending the self to the next level is there to stay, and no-one can take it away from you. Stages, or levels of development are like structure floors in a building: they build on each other, and once you’re there, you’ve earned it, and it’s yours.[1]

This is a point that Wilber raised: Transformation is like moving up to higher floors in a building.

When it comes to high levels of continued organization and being in relationships that are both Translative and Transformative to suit your evolutionary development, here is what I can suggest:

+ Surround yourself with learners and people who are deeply engaged in the Art of Living. Look for vision, insight, next-level thinking and living in your relationships.

This is not to say that your sports, hobby, or exercise friends, for instance, are not worthwhile relationships to maintain. But seek out people who are active learners both online and in your local area at home. If you have a particular interest, find local groups that get involved in it, and make contact with the most knowledgeable and interesting people in that group. I would also highly recommend doing the next point…

+ Ask people, “What are the best books that you have read?”

Tony Robbins has said many times, “Readers are Leaders.” I started asking students in undergraduate school that I respected most to meet with me for lunch, and share with me the most important books they had read. My list grew and refined over the years to hundreds of books. I have never been bored since. When you go to the library or bookstore (or onto an online seller of books), take that list with you and have “starred” the next books you want to review, and see how many you can find. Have stacks of books around you ALWAYS… this will encourage you to learn PhotoReading; once you do, you will know how do “dip in” to books and gather just the information and insights you need for whatever it is you are interested in – often in seconds or minutes.

+ Seek smarter ways of working that mean more to you – that are more satisfying to who you are and what you want to say and be in this lifetime.

As the writer and philosopher Seneca said in his essay On the Shortness of Life:

“It is not that we have a short space of time, but that we waste much of it. Life is long enough, and it has been given in sufficiently generous measure to allow the accomplishment of the very greatest things if the whole of it is well invested. But when it is squandered in luxury and carelessness, when it is devoted to no good end, forced at last by the ultimate necessity we perceive that it has passed away before we were aware that it was passing. So it is—the life we receive is not short, but we make it so, nor do we have any lack of it, but are wasteful of it. Just as great and princely wealth is scattered in a moment when it comes into the hands of a bad owner, while wealth however limited, if it is entrusted to a good guardian, increases by use, so our life is amply long for him who orders it properly.”

If you are not satisfied with your work, know that what you do for a living is going to change if you take up HyperLearning. Your mind, your grasp and understanding of life, will inevitably shift to higher levels of being and knowing, and out of that development will open new creative venues, possibilities, relationships, projects, and Ways of Being. Decide now to invest your time, rather than spend it, doing what means most to you.

In addition to HyperLearning, an excellent book to help you on this thread is The Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss. You can find more on this book in the chapter “Bonus Inspiration: The Four Hour Work Week.”

+ Emphasize “Depth of Meaning, Being, and Knowing” over “Span or Quantity of Having.”

Western society has got us chasing the paper dragon of quantity… be it in terms of the number of things we have, how entertained we can become, how many Facebook “friends” we have, our salary at work, airmiles, retirement savings… you name it. But the depth of the meaning of our lives, what our Unique Self Purpose is, what it means to truly love and to be able to love – these things are rarely taught by watching television or from conventional society. Because so much of our life is necessarily engaged in business transactions (be it in the board room or the grocery store), it is generally the shallow surfaces of day-to-day existence that are displayed and served to us, ready to consume. But DEPTH of MEANING is not much offered at the grocery store, the gas station, on the radio or television, or even enough at our houses of worship, sadly.

We ourselves must cultivate and seek out the relationships in our lives that emphasize presence over activity, confiding and sharing over endless entertainment and going, growth over mere comfort… depth over span, or mere quantity. It is up to each of us to determine how we find and cultivate these relationships, but if you are finding yourself dissatisfied with the level of relationships you have with others, upgrade the relationship if appropriate, or grow into new, meaningful ones. As you HyperLearn and begin associating with new ideas, Ways of Being, people and groups, your circle of friends will shift to greater depth and meaning quite naturally – this has been my experience, anyhow.

+ Seek Out and Cultivate Relationships Where Acceptance and Discernment, Integration and Collaboration are Preferred over Derision and Judgmentalism, Segregation and Dissociation

We are speaking here of relationships that promote permeable and loving Ways of Being from a place of one’s own high level of self-love and moral development. Relationships that can discern in the world – people, perspectives, systems, and cultures – what is skillful or at a high level of achievement or expression from what still needs further development.

(I must say, the writings of Ken Wilber, mythologist Joseph Campbell, Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, Christian Mystic Thomas Merton, and the foundational texts of the world’s major religious traditions have gone a very long way in helping me develop more compassionate and skillful perspectives, conversational styles, and ways of being.)

Toxic relationships that involve derision and judgementalism on others lack openness, maturity, and self-love. Persons who deride people, perspectives, systems, and cultures in gossip or endless insults are bored with their own lives, and are merely seeking build up and wall off their poor sense of self. People who speak and act in such ways are usually uninformed – or misinformed – in significant ways.

A HyperLearning Mind is not concerned with the limited, low-development style of discourse found in gossip, and encouraged by garbage “journalism” such as TMZ, Entertainment Tonight, The New York Post, People Magazine, etc.

We seek the integration of the partial truths and durable insights that have been discovered and illustrated by persons and cultures worldwide. It is only this kind of openness that can help us understand and work with one another to co-create a future worth living in.

Instead of segregating and dissociating, be a HyperLearner that integrates and collaborates as an act of love and high-level creative excellence. You will see some excellent examples of this way of being in the writings of those I mentioned above, and whom I have quoted and mentioned throughout this book.

In fact, since I am on it, my colleague Michael Sunspirit and I were talking the other day about relationships among cultural groups, religious groups, and nations on a global scale, and he brought up a Google image search of this popular bumber sticker and t-shirt graphic:

I used to love this graphic. It does illustrate a fundemental need we have worldwide… to be able to live with each other, even in our diversity. But I am aware of many relationships – and the relationship archetype – of the couple who coexist in misery for decades… I think we can do better than this.

Which is why I am for an emphasis on a level of interaction and being beyond Coexisting to the exciting possibilities that await us when we COCREATE.

And on that note of co-creation, let’s now look at creating a MasterMind Alliance with some guidance from the elder statesman of success, Napoleon Hill.

Napoleon Hill on Creating a MasterMind Alliance

There is an almost sensual longing for communion with others who have a larger vision. The immense fulfillment of the friendships between those engaged in furthering the evolution of consciousness has a quality almost impossible to describe.

– Teilhard de Chardin

In his book, The Law of Success in 16 Lessons, the great success researcher Napoleon Hill illustrated the importance of creating a MasterMind Alliance in being successful in what you are here to do in this life. So important was this principle, it is Lesson One in his 1,200 page book.

A Master Mind Alliance is a group of individuals you cultivate around yourself to accomplish far greater things than any of you could on your own. The Master Mind involves trust and a commonly held vision. Hill writes in The Law of Success:

A Master Mind may be created through the bringing together or blending, in a spirit of perfect harmony, of two or more minds. Out of this harmonious blending the chemistry of the mind creates a third mind which may be appropriated and used by one or all of the individual minds. This Master Mind will remain available as long as the friendly, harmonious alliance between the individual minds exists. It will disintegrate and all evidence of its former existence will disappear the moment the friendly alliance is broken.

A Master Mind may be created by any group of people who will coordinate their minds, in a spirit of perfect harmony. That group may consist of any number from two, upward. Best results appear available from the blending of six or seven minds.

When two or more people harmonize their minds and produce the effect known as a Master Mind, each person in the group becomes vested with the power to contact with and gather knowledge through the subconscious minds of all the other members of the group. This power becomes immediately noticeable, having the effect of stimulating the mind to a higher rate of vibration, and otherwise evidencing itself in the form of a more vivid imagination and the consciousness of what appears to be a sixth sense. It is through this sixth sense that new ideas will “flash” into the mind… If the entire group has met for the purpose of discussing a given subject, ideas concerning that subject will come pouring into the minds of all present, as if an outside influence were dictating them. The minds of those participating in the Master Mind become as magnets, attracting ideas and thought stimuli of the most highly organized and practical nature…

The process of mind-blending here described as a Master Mind may be likened to the act of one who connects many electric batteries to a single transmission wire, thereby “stepping up” the power flowing over that line… Just so in the case of blending individual minds into a Master Mind. Each mind, through the principle of mind chemistry, stimulates all the other minds in the group, until the mind energy thus becomes so great that it penetrates to and connects with the universal energy…

To hear Napoleon Hill present this idea personally, please see the video linked below.


Napoleon Hill on the MasterMind Principle

As you HyperLearn, you will find yourself naturally creating Master Mind Alliances to accomplish genuine projects and/or process and understand concepts, aspects of living, or practices that are important to you all. Click the graphic below for a page from the Napoleon Hill Foundation, “How to Form a Mastermind Alliance” that can be a guiding means as you seek and thoughtfully create such a group in the future.

Reduction: Let Go of Limiting Relationships into Freedom and New Possibility with Honoring and Releasing Practices

This worn-out carpet
recounts a thousand stories
as it unravels.

- Gary Thorp, Sweeping Changes

After having spent years consciously letting go of things, I have developed these practices as a mindful, loving, and life-affirming way of releasing things. I hope you enjoy them, and write about some of your releases on the so that you can inspire others to free themselves into the vital new things that are coming in.

These Honoring and Releasing practices are first to be read to yourself all the way through, and then practiced in spirit with your own personal stuff to release.

An excellent second time through on these is to JOURNAL on each of these items in the practice. Writing down what you are processing (preferably on paper) is HIGHLY recommended.

==> The Practice – Ideas, Objects, Old Ways of Being

“I have something to honor and release from my past/present, and I am aware of the reasons for doing so. I am aware that relinquishing this item thoughtfully and with care does not need to take a long period of time or suffering, and am not interested in this “letting go” holding me back from enjoying the beauty I am finding in the present moment.

However, I understand at this time that I need to honor what I have already decided to let go of for my enjoyment of the present moment to be clear, and for the space in me that has filled this part of my life to be acknowledged properly so that I can release it in peace.

This time that I have created for letting go is sacred time. Those who understand and love me are available to support me, and I am fully here.

Honoring the Good Qualities

There are things that were good about this item and I want to honor them and their place in me, as they are a part of who I am.

Regrets and Difficulties

There are things that I may have done better in acquiring this thing, or in taking care of it, and I want to recall those things, and then release them back to the earth, so that I do not carry them with me, or pass them on. I do, however, want to learn from these reflections for the benefit of the present moment and my life in it.

Hurts Experienced in Relation to This Item

There perhaps was some pain in my relationship to this thing. I call on the memory of the hurts I experienced one more time, and recall why I am letting go, not just of this item, but of any negative emotions or thoughts concerning it. I will release back to the Earth these hurts to compost and transform so that they do not get passed on to the new life that I have, and am inviting in.

Positive Things I Want to Pass On

While I am letting go, I recognize that this thing had good qualities, and I would be remiss if I did not express gratitude for these qualities, and try to continue them in my life in positive ways.

Selective Watering

This item that I am releasing is like a tree that I have watered for some time, which I will not be tending now in my garden, as there are other trees, plants, and earth to see after. I honor this tree that I have grown in all its positive and negative aspects, and am mindful of its reality as it transforms back into the earth, is recycled to become something new, or becomes an important part of someone else’s life who needs it.

Gratitude in the Present Moment

Having honored what I am releasing, I now take stock of the beautiful garden that I now have in the present moment, which I will continue to water and nourish with great mindfulness, appreciation, understanding, and love.”

==> The Practice – Relationships

“I have a relationship to honor and release from my past/present, and I am aware of the reasons for doing so. I am aware that relinquishing this relationship thoughtfully and with care does not need to take a long period of time or suffering, and am not interested in this “letting go” holding me back from enjoying the beauty I am finding in the present moment.

However, I understand at this time that I need to honor what I have already decided to let go of for my enjoyment of the present moment to be clear, and for the space in me that has filled this part of my life to be acknowledged properly so that I can release this relationship in peace.

This time that I have created for letting go is sacred time. Those who understand and love me are available to support me, and I am fully here.

Honoring the Good Qualities

There are things that were good about this relationship and I want to honor them and their place in me, as these qualities are a part of who I am.

Regrets and Difficulties

There are things that I may have done better in finding, maintaining, and cultivating this relationship, and I want to recall those things and release them back to the earth, so that I do not carry them with me, or pass them on. I do, however, want to learn from these reflections for the benefit of the present moment and my life in it.

Hurts Experienced in Relation to This Relationship

There perhaps was some pain in my relationship. I call on the memory of the hurts I experienced one more time, and recall why I am letting go, not just of this relationship, but of any negative emotions or thoughts concerning it and the person I have been with. I will release back to the Earth these hurts to compost and transform so that they do not get passed on to the new life that I now have, and am inviting in.

Positive Things I Want to Pass On

While I am letting go, I recognize that this relationship and the person I was with had good qualities, and I would be remiss if I did not express gratitude for these qualities, and try to continue them in my life in positive ways.

Selective Watering

This relationship that I am releasing is like a tree that I have watered for some time, which I will not be tending now in my garden, as there are other trees, plants, and earth to see after. I honor this tree that I have grown in all its positive and negative aspects, and am mindful of its reality as it transforms back into the earth, is recycled to become something new, or becomes an important part of someone else’s life who needs it.

Gratitude in the Present Moment

Having honored what I am releasing, I now take stock of the beautiful garden that I now have in the present moment, which I will continue to water and nourish with great mindfulness, appreciation, understanding, and love.”

Feeling Broken? Shine On…

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.

Charles Darwin

The impermanence and unpredictability of life – be it with things, life engagements, relationships, can leave us feeling broken for a time. We don’t feel like the broken parts of our lives can be fixed; the evolutionary or creative impulse feels diminished, absent, lost. In my life, I have found mental pictures, metaphors, stories and archetypes – examples that I can picture and feel in my mind and heart – to be what helps reorient me and pull me through to someplace better than I was before.

In Gary Thorp’s beautiful book, Sweeping Changes, a beautiful real-life practice by the Japanese is recounted:

…you may want to consider the way the Japanese treated the items used in their tea ceremony. Even though they were made from the simplest of materials, clay and basic glazes, these teacups and bowls were revered for their plain lines and spiritual qualities. They were treated with utmost care, integrity, and respect. For this reason, a cup from the tea ceremony was almost never broken. When an accident did occur and a cup was broken, there were certain instances in which the cup was repaired with Gold. Rather than trying to restore it in a way that would cover up the fact that it had been broken, the cracks were celebrated in a bold and spirited way. The thin paths of shining Gold completely encircled the ceramic cup, announcing to the world that the cup was broken and repaired and vulnerable to change. And in this way, its value was even further enhanced.

People tend to cover up their mistakes, to restore things to how they were before, to pretend that everything has been fixed and that things are the same as they were before and that their hearts have not been broken. In actuality, things do break. They do melt. They do let you down occasionally. And in the course of time, you also break and change; you become “strong in the broken places,” as a country song puts it. You try to learn from your experiences and to share, rather than hide your humanity.

We can all appreciate new things because we sense a freshness about them, a vigor and potential lacking in something old and worn. Yet it is through age and use that objects, as well as living beings, develop character.

Build anew… the broken cracks of your self filled with Gold will cultivate and attract new relationships and opportunities to yourself as other people see your self-evident experience and ability to – out of the inevitable impermanence and chaos of life – create higher levels of order, creativity, understanding, and love.

A HyperLearning Relationship Poem: “As I Lay With my Head in Your Lap Camerado” by Walt Whitman

Over the years, I have read Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman many, many times to remind me of my native passion for life – for cultivating a life of my own and in relationship with others that means more to me than anything else.

A poem I keep returning to of Whitman’s is “As I Lay with My Head in Your Lap Camerado,” which perfectly illustrates the commitment to fully engaging the Hero’s Journey of being truly alive with another person, on the never-ending quest for discovery, growth, adventure, and inspiration. I will finish this chapter by leaving you with this magnificent poem:

As I Lay with My Head in Your Lap Camerado

As I lay with my head in your lap, Camerado,
The confession I made I resume—what I said to you in the open air I resume:
I know I am restless, and make others so;
I know my words are weapons, full of danger, full of death;
For I confront peace, security, and all the settled laws, to unsettle them;

I am more resolute because all have denied me,
than I could ever have been had all accepted me;

I heed not, and have never heeded, either experience, cautions, majorities, nor ridicule;
And the threat of what is call’d hell is little or nothing to me;
And the lure of what is call’d heaven is little or nothing to me;

Dear camerado! I confess I have urged you onward with me, and still urge you,
without the least idea what is our destination,
Or whether we shall be victorious, or utterly quell’d and defeated.

Coming up next time: Chapter 10: HyperOrganize Your Interests and Passions!

 

Stay Sharp,

David Rainoshek, M.A.

www.RevolutionaryWebinars.com


[1] Online: http://tanasaler.blogspot.com/2011/10/translative-versus-transformative.html

Cultivating Transformative Relationships

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Creating a MasterMind Aliance

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Letting Go of Limiting Relationships

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Feeling Broken – Shine On!

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Cultivating Transformative Relationships

Creating a MasterMind Aliance

Letting Go of Limiting Relationships

Feeling Broken – Shine On!


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